I have seen so many posts recently on bullying in schools. The news has covered reports probably once a month on the so called "bullying" epidemic. There are fundraisers and support numbers, there are counselors ready and waiting and people rallying together to cure the "disease". I don't mean to piss anyone off, but this isn't new. Everyone knows that right? I mean, I can remember kids being mean to me in school. In fact, I am very short and the short jokes were never ending. I was a late bloomer for a girl and my mother wouldn't let me start shaving my legs until Junior High School. Mosquito bite and cave girl were written on my papers on a daily basis. I never thought of it as bullying. I still don't. I think kids are mean. I think some kids in particular feel the need to point out negative things about you, to take the negative attention off of themselves. It happens in school, in the workforce, in Church, in life....it happens. People, for the most part, aren't intentionally cruel, but we all have days right? I think it should be our goal as parents to raise our kids to have backbones, not to play victim. We shouldn't pat our children on the back and place blame on everyone else....because quite frankly that is what's wrong with our younger generations today....they are petted, they are victims, they place blame, they are pitiful, they are also worthless.
When I was younger, I never remember the word "bully" coming up in conversation, because I knew the kids that were making fun of me were just jerks. It didn't lessen my self worth any. I didn't look at myself in the mirror for long hours and try to fix what was pointed out to be wrong. I didn't even think about it. "Ashley, Ashley....mosquito bite bashley", then I would tell them to kiss my butt, and go about my day. I never wasted one second on it. I realize people have different personalities and someone else may have taken this to heart. I also understand that self worth, a lot of times, is an environmental effect on your personality....meaning I was raised in a healthy, happy home. Not everyone has that atmosphere and it directly effects their attitudes towards themselves (WHICH IS THE KEY PROBLEM HERE). Suicide rates have sky rocketed. Adolescent depression is off the charts. Children are taking Xanax and still not coping. However, the bullying hasn't changed. Our parenting has changed. Our parenting is the issue. We are raising our kids (repeating myself) to be the victim. We are raising them to be to emotional. Children need to understand that the world isn't rainbows and butterflies all of the time. It's not always a trophy and a pat on the back for a piss poor attitude and lack of effort. It's not always in your favor. You aren't always perfect. Sometimes you suck at stuff. Sometimes you do look terrible. And sometimes people are mean. This doesn't mean that you are worthless. This means you are human. It doesn't mean you will suck at everything you try. It means you suck at playing the piano (example). It doesn't mean you are ugly. It means you put in no effort and expected to look like Cindy Crawford (don't we all). It means you need to try a little harder and prove that you CAN do something.
We are creating a generation that thinks they will be rewarded for very little effort/showing up. That believes if someone confronts them about something, they are automatically being bullied. They cannot handle confrontation, they cannot handle conversation, they cannot handle being coached/educated/parented/etc. WE, as parents, are failing our kids.
I have a strong personality....not in an overbearing way (I hope not), but in an "I am woman, hear me roar" way. I can handle my stuff. I can hold my own in basically any situation. I might not like it, and I might complain, but I will deal. It's not that I don't like people that lack motivation and drive, it's that I don't understand them. I honestly, don't get it. As long as I can remember, I have been this way. Again, probably because I have strong, successful parents, but this is how I am nonetheless. I am raising my daughter to understand that people can be jerks and it shouldn't affect how you see yourself. I am raising my daughter to be able to know the difference of when she should stand up for herself and when she should walk away. I am raising my daughter to understand if you don't practice the speech, you probably won't win the speech contest and if you cry about losing, you will be punished. I am raising my daughter to have good work ethic, to be caring and understanding, to be confident but humble....I AM RAISING MY DAUGHTER TO BE A KICK ASS ADULT. That's our goal as parents, right? We aren't raising children, we are raising adults. How would you treat that ten year old that's pitching a fit about not getting his way if he was 20? I realize it's not the same, but you have to bear in mind if we are gentle and easy and rewarding negative behavior, we are training their adult minds to believe and expect the same treatment. They will learn that they can stomp their feet and cross their arms and get a promotion, without ever putting in the work. They will think that if their boss tells them they are being lazy, they are being bullied in the workplace...next thing you know there is a lawsuit and they are being rewarded for being lazy. It's a cycle. Can it end please? I'm tired.
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