I have seen so many posts recently on bullying in schools. The news has covered reports probably once a month on the so called "bullying" epidemic. There are fundraisers and support numbers, there are counselors ready and waiting and people rallying together to cure the "disease". I don't mean to piss anyone off, but this isn't new. Everyone knows that right? I mean, I can remember kids being mean to me in school. In fact, I am very short and the short jokes were never ending. I was a late bloomer for a girl and my mother wouldn't let me start shaving my legs until Junior High School. Mosquito bite and cave girl were written on my papers on a daily basis. I never thought of it as bullying. I still don't. I think kids are mean. I think some kids in particular feel the need to point out negative things about you, to take the negative attention off of themselves. It happens in school, in the workforce, in Church, in life....it happens. People, for the most part, aren't intentionally cruel, but we all have days right? I think it should be our goal as parents to raise our kids to have backbones, not to play victim. We shouldn't pat our children on the back and place blame on everyone else....because quite frankly that is what's wrong with our younger generations today....they are petted, they are victims, they place blame, they are pitiful, they are also worthless.
When I was younger, I never remember the word "bully" coming up in conversation, because I knew the kids that were making fun of me were just jerks. It didn't lessen my self worth any. I didn't look at myself in the mirror for long hours and try to fix what was pointed out to be wrong. I didn't even think about it. "Ashley, Ashley....mosquito bite bashley", then I would tell them to kiss my butt, and go about my day. I never wasted one second on it. I realize people have different personalities and someone else may have taken this to heart. I also understand that self worth, a lot of times, is an environmental effect on your personality....meaning I was raised in a healthy, happy home. Not everyone has that atmosphere and it directly effects their attitudes towards themselves (WHICH IS THE KEY PROBLEM HERE). Suicide rates have sky rocketed. Adolescent depression is off the charts. Children are taking Xanax and still not coping. However, the bullying hasn't changed. Our parenting has changed. Our parenting is the issue. We are raising our kids (repeating myself) to be the victim. We are raising them to be to emotional. Children need to understand that the world isn't rainbows and butterflies all of the time. It's not always a trophy and a pat on the back for a piss poor attitude and lack of effort. It's not always in your favor. You aren't always perfect. Sometimes you suck at stuff. Sometimes you do look terrible. And sometimes people are mean. This doesn't mean that you are worthless. This means you are human. It doesn't mean you will suck at everything you try. It means you suck at playing the piano (example). It doesn't mean you are ugly. It means you put in no effort and expected to look like Cindy Crawford (don't we all). It means you need to try a little harder and prove that you CAN do something.
We are creating a generation that thinks they will be rewarded for very little effort/showing up. That believes if someone confronts them about something, they are automatically being bullied. They cannot handle confrontation, they cannot handle conversation, they cannot handle being coached/educated/parented/etc. WE, as parents, are failing our kids.
I have a strong personality....not in an overbearing way (I hope not), but in an "I am woman, hear me roar" way. I can handle my stuff. I can hold my own in basically any situation. I might not like it, and I might complain, but I will deal. It's not that I don't like people that lack motivation and drive, it's that I don't understand them. I honestly, don't get it. As long as I can remember, I have been this way. Again, probably because I have strong, successful parents, but this is how I am nonetheless. I am raising my daughter to understand that people can be jerks and it shouldn't affect how you see yourself. I am raising my daughter to be able to know the difference of when she should stand up for herself and when she should walk away. I am raising my daughter to understand if you don't practice the speech, you probably won't win the speech contest and if you cry about losing, you will be punished. I am raising my daughter to have good work ethic, to be caring and understanding, to be confident but humble....I AM RAISING MY DAUGHTER TO BE A KICK ASS ADULT. That's our goal as parents, right? We aren't raising children, we are raising adults. How would you treat that ten year old that's pitching a fit about not getting his way if he was 20? I realize it's not the same, but you have to bear in mind if we are gentle and easy and rewarding negative behavior, we are training their adult minds to believe and expect the same treatment. They will learn that they can stomp their feet and cross their arms and get a promotion, without ever putting in the work. They will think that if their boss tells them they are being lazy, they are being bullied in the workplace...next thing you know there is a lawsuit and they are being rewarded for being lazy. It's a cycle. Can it end please? I'm tired.
Friday, July 1, 2016
Monday, January 11, 2016
Rain, Rain, Go Away.
It's raining here in Tennessee this morning. I always get super emo and thoughtful on rainy days. I am definitely one of those people that the weather affects their moods. Sunshine makes me happy, rain makes me think about life, storms make me want to stand on the porch and throw my arms open wide and scream......I guess I've been like that my entire life. Anyway, back to what I was saying.....
I think a lot on rainy days. My mind can't help it, it wanders away from me, into dark, damp places in the back of my mind that I keep hidden when the sunshine is out. This morning is no different. However, I realized something about myself today....although I'm thoughtful, my thoughts are more controlled and more cheerful. I tend to reflect instead of dwell. I reminisce instead of regret. And today I was reflecting on what brought about this change in thought, or when did this change occur.
I happened to remember something else too, because that's what I do on rainy days is think and remember.....I remembered starting a blog in 2010 titled "Gracefully Learning" and the entire premise of this blog was to change my way of thinking and my way of life. I was living in constant turmoil, whether it be against myself, my parents, my job, my boyfriend at the time.....mostly it was about how I was living though. I only posted two posts on that blog, because my mind was all over the place and couldn't stay focused on one subject long enough to be worthwhile. However, I found it and read those two posts this morning. Let me share the first post.......
" So I decided something today, or yesterday, or maybe years ago, but I decided I need peace. Who doesn't want peace right? I feel as if I have been working against myself at obtaining this for awhile now. I have been struggling trying to find a better job, trying to get that house that I want, trying to find the perfect man. I have yet to sit still and allow myself to breathe. I have been searching for financial peace, spiritual peace, social peace, and any other kind available. In searching, I have missed so much. I have missed time with Grace, rest, trips and friendships. I have been stressed, broke and flat out mental. I quit! And in saying that I realize it sounds as if I am quitting life, or am going to quit trying. I simply am quitting the search.
The definition of peace is......
1. (noun) peace
the state prevailing during the absence of war
2. (noun) peace
harmonious relations; freedom from disputes
"the roommates lived in peace together"
3. (noun) peace, peacefulness, peace of mind, repose, serenity, heartsease, ataraxis
the absence of mental stress or anxiety
My favorite is the first definition, the state prevailing during the absence of war. I feel as if the last seven years of my life have been all out war, and I, in the front line, have simply been trying to survive. So I have come up with a plan. Instead of searching for peace, solitude and stillness, I am going to learn it. I am going to teach myself how to be still and enjoy life, not just my life, but all life. Starting today I am going to change my life, goals, perceptions and expectations of everything. Starting today I will hopefully be on my way to learning peace.
Every month I will give up one thing; This maybe toxic food, technology, shopping, bad relationships, etc., really anything that might cloud my mind and allow negativity into my life. I will then replace it with something I enjoy that will help me grow as a person, bring long lasting happiness, or be an instrument in my twelve month cleanse of the American Dream. Or just something I have always wanted to do. Examples are learning new hobbies that involve God, nature, or actual physical activities, trips, volunteering, new ways of doing everyday things. On my way trough this next year of exploration, studying, sacrificing, and pretty much experimentation, I hope to grow a deeper connection and understanding with the life I have been blessed with. I spiritually want to grow as close as possible with God through prayer, but also through learning the world around us, and the affects I as an individual have on the grand scheme of things. I want to find the beauty in the Earth God has created for us, and attempt to slowly transform my life to live the way He intended. This is going to be a slow, long, and trying process. Gotta start somewhere though, right? "
This was such a refreshing treasure to find, because I'll tell you....I have stuck with this. Since 2010 I have completely quit all drinks with sugar in them (even juices), it's water, unsweetened tea or black coffee. I try to eat as many good fats and whole foods as possible. Not only have I become more wise about eating, but I have become more conscious about my actions. I try to speak intentionally. I try to react to things with grace. I have picked up yoga. I have picked up school. I fell in love and married. I am more patient and kind. I have focused on certain relationships that lacked in the past, and nourished them. I have poured myself into my marriage and my role as Gracie's mother. I have quit standing on the side lines waiting for the coach to put me in and me make the winning touchdown and live happily ever after. I have learned that it takes practice and training and persistence. Life is not hard most of the time. There is not constant turmoil. Love and marriage is actually quite easy if you quit comparing and competing. I actually just told my husband last night that this marriage thing was my favorite part about life. I don't compete with him. I give to him and love him, if he gives to me and loves me back that's awesome....if he doesn't, oh well, I keep on giving and loving him.
So....I'm not very emo today, very thoughtful and thankful, but not emo. Gracefully learning this thing called life, and pretty content with the outcome at the moment.
I think a lot on rainy days. My mind can't help it, it wanders away from me, into dark, damp places in the back of my mind that I keep hidden when the sunshine is out. This morning is no different. However, I realized something about myself today....although I'm thoughtful, my thoughts are more controlled and more cheerful. I tend to reflect instead of dwell. I reminisce instead of regret. And today I was reflecting on what brought about this change in thought, or when did this change occur.
I happened to remember something else too, because that's what I do on rainy days is think and remember.....I remembered starting a blog in 2010 titled "Gracefully Learning" and the entire premise of this blog was to change my way of thinking and my way of life. I was living in constant turmoil, whether it be against myself, my parents, my job, my boyfriend at the time.....mostly it was about how I was living though. I only posted two posts on that blog, because my mind was all over the place and couldn't stay focused on one subject long enough to be worthwhile. However, I found it and read those two posts this morning. Let me share the first post.......
" So I decided something today, or yesterday, or maybe years ago, but I decided I need peace. Who doesn't want peace right? I feel as if I have been working against myself at obtaining this for awhile now. I have been struggling trying to find a better job, trying to get that house that I want, trying to find the perfect man. I have yet to sit still and allow myself to breathe. I have been searching for financial peace, spiritual peace, social peace, and any other kind available. In searching, I have missed so much. I have missed time with Grace, rest, trips and friendships. I have been stressed, broke and flat out mental. I quit! And in saying that I realize it sounds as if I am quitting life, or am going to quit trying. I simply am quitting the search.
The definition of peace is......
1. (noun) peace
the state prevailing during the absence of war
2. (noun) peace
harmonious relations; freedom from disputes
"the roommates lived in peace together"
3. (noun) peace, peacefulness, peace of mind, repose, serenity, heartsease, ataraxis
the absence of mental stress or anxiety
My favorite is the first definition, the state prevailing during the absence of war. I feel as if the last seven years of my life have been all out war, and I, in the front line, have simply been trying to survive. So I have come up with a plan. Instead of searching for peace, solitude and stillness, I am going to learn it. I am going to teach myself how to be still and enjoy life, not just my life, but all life. Starting today I am going to change my life, goals, perceptions and expectations of everything. Starting today I will hopefully be on my way to learning peace.
Every month I will give up one thing; This maybe toxic food, technology, shopping, bad relationships, etc., really anything that might cloud my mind and allow negativity into my life. I will then replace it with something I enjoy that will help me grow as a person, bring long lasting happiness, or be an instrument in my twelve month cleanse of the American Dream. Or just something I have always wanted to do. Examples are learning new hobbies that involve God, nature, or actual physical activities, trips, volunteering, new ways of doing everyday things. On my way trough this next year of exploration, studying, sacrificing, and pretty much experimentation, I hope to grow a deeper connection and understanding with the life I have been blessed with. I spiritually want to grow as close as possible with God through prayer, but also through learning the world around us, and the affects I as an individual have on the grand scheme of things. I want to find the beauty in the Earth God has created for us, and attempt to slowly transform my life to live the way He intended. This is going to be a slow, long, and trying process. Gotta start somewhere though, right? "
This was such a refreshing treasure to find, because I'll tell you....I have stuck with this. Since 2010 I have completely quit all drinks with sugar in them (even juices), it's water, unsweetened tea or black coffee. I try to eat as many good fats and whole foods as possible. Not only have I become more wise about eating, but I have become more conscious about my actions. I try to speak intentionally. I try to react to things with grace. I have picked up yoga. I have picked up school. I fell in love and married. I am more patient and kind. I have focused on certain relationships that lacked in the past, and nourished them. I have poured myself into my marriage and my role as Gracie's mother. I have quit standing on the side lines waiting for the coach to put me in and me make the winning touchdown and live happily ever after. I have learned that it takes practice and training and persistence. Life is not hard most of the time. There is not constant turmoil. Love and marriage is actually quite easy if you quit comparing and competing. I actually just told my husband last night that this marriage thing was my favorite part about life. I don't compete with him. I give to him and love him, if he gives to me and loves me back that's awesome....if he doesn't, oh well, I keep on giving and loving him.
So....I'm not very emo today, very thoughtful and thankful, but not emo. Gracefully learning this thing called life, and pretty content with the outcome at the moment.
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